SchoolWork

The Practice of Gratitude

Episode Summary

In this episode, we chat with Anne Grady. She’s a resilience expert, best-selling author, and two-time TEDx speaker. Anne has spent the last two decades teaching resilience as a life skill. We covered a lot in our conversation, so we broke it up into two parts. In this episode, we talk about gratitude and mindfulness, their importance, and how they can be integrated into the classroom.

Episode Transcription

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Speaker 2 (00:06):

Are we good? Okay. Welcome back to the spring semester of schoolwork and a brand new year, Kevin. It's crazy how fast that first semester Yes, it is. Went and then it didn't go fast in the same, same day. I 

Speaker 3 (00:20):

Would just say that I think maybe those last couple of weeks were the longest two weeks that I've experienced in, in, in a good while. So, um, it is good to be back. Hope everybody's refreshed. Um, we, we've got a awesome, um, podcast in front of us here and actually we've, we've, we've got two of them coming, um, kind of on the same topics, how to, how to talk about and, and, and grapple with the concept of resilience. 

Speaker 2 (00:47):

It was good. 

Speaker 3 (00:47):

Yep. Absolutely. Ann, Ann Grady, um, is gonna be our guest and Ann and, and one other lady out there, Brene Brown, have kind of become the gurus of resilience. And so we're going to hear what Ann has to say and, um, and see if we can really work to develop each other in, in, in the area of managing our stress and the potential for burnout. 

Speaker 2 (01:12):

Yeah, she really talked about that. We, we talked about, well, you and I talked about how even in our different, uh, jobs in this district, how we are both feeling that and teachers are feeling that. And so we talk about self-care and staying aware and she, I think one thing I loved as, as a teacher is how she said, Hey, let's look at how we can bring this into our classroom. Yep. And she talked about, and it was kind of an odd thing, I think Kevin agrees. Yeah. We were sitting here in the studio with our hands out. 

Speaker 3 (01:45):

Yeah. So there's gonna be like this weird awkward silence in the middle. Um, and, and she's taking us through an activity. We'll let her really share it. Um, but, 

Speaker 2 (01:54):

But you should do it with us. 

Speaker 3 (01:55):

Yes. So like, wherever you are, if you're not driving a car, obviously, but if you're wherever you are, you're tracing your hand. That's how that activity goes. Yeah. So that's how you kinda can help manage the weird silence that comes. But there's a lot of good stuff here. Um, we'll just, uh, jump right in here with Heather and, and Anne to start the conversation. 

Speaker 4 (02:14):

I dunno if this means much to you, but Planet Earth. Well, she can't get enough. She's been writing you love songs and poems, and if you were, I, she might be broken. 

Speaker 2 (02:29):

Tell me, just gimme a little snippet of your background for those of us who might not know much about your history and your job, what you do. I was reading through all of your seminars you give, and I was like, Ooh, can I sign up for that one? Can I sign up for that one? And I sign up for that one. . 

Speaker 5 (02:49):

Well, um, I, you know, so I can start as far back as you'd like, but I basically, I have a master's in organizational communication. Um, and my bachelor's is in communication. And so I started my career in 1999 as a corporate trainer. Um, and then spent some time as the director of training at a large resort and golf club here in Austin. And then went out on my own. So I, I actually joined with a, another consultant who was my mentor. His name was John Stig Leono. He was, he really, um, taught me a lot about facilitation and sales and business development. And, um, and I had the background in training and content development. So we worked together for about a decade. And then after my son was in his first pediatric psych hospital when he was seven, and I lived at the Ronald McDonald House for two years. I, I figured if I can do that, I, I can pretty much figure anything out. So I went on my own in 2011 and, um, and that brings me to today. So, 

Speaker 2 (04:00):

Yeah. Well, that's exciting. And it looks like that you had, you had a good handle on what it looked like to do things virtually before we needed to do things virtual virtually as well. 

Speaker 5 (04:10):

Yeah. We were very fortunate. I, um, one of my clients for the last decade has hired me to teach virtually. And so we already had a studio. My office, you know, my bedroom is like two feet that way. Mm-hmm. . So it's not like we're in some corporate studio. But, um, we had set this up prior to C O V I D and I was doing a lot of virtual work. And it was also interesting because I was on a plane so much and I was so tired, and my immune system was just shot. And, you know, I had recovered from my tumor and, and a bunch of stuff in 2014, and I was just tired. And, um, I didn't realize that until I stopped traveling mm-hmm. . And so it was really a, you know, while Covid has had its share of horrible, horrible outcomes, the, the, the blessing in it was that I got to slow down a little bit and, um, and, and teach here and get to spend some time, um, at home. At home, which was really 

Speaker 2 (05:07):

Nice. How much of your work do you do in the world of education? 

Speaker 5 (05:12):

So, I started speaking to educators. You know, I don't know how much you know about my son or my personal story, but, um, after my son was born and really finding out very quickly that there was something wrong, I became really, um, passionate about talking with educators, special ed departments, but really administrators, teachers, staff, um, just because what they do is so important. And there's, you know, I I think that of most professions, right? You've got folks, many of whom are parents themselves mm-hmm. trying to balance their own children and their own lives, and yet put themself in a, a selfless position where they're giving to others many times with little pay and little appreciation, right. So it felt like something that I could do to make a difference and a positive impact. And educators tend to be really, really appreciative of the message. So I, I do, most of my work is in the corporate environment, but I would say 20% of it is in the education space, um, and the nonprofit space, but predominantly education. And it's, it's one of my favorite audiences to get to work with. In fact, a special education teacher from Terrell, I s d illustrated, the journal that goes with my new book. Oh. So that, that was a lot of fun. 

Speaker 2 (06:36):

Yeah, I bet. So that is cool. So what do you see through education? What are you seeing with that and, and business and moving forward out of, out of Covid, just that change in, in space that we're all working in? 

Speaker 5 (06:54):

I think burnout is a really big problem, and I think a lot of teachers are leaving, you know, a lot of tenured teachers are leaving 

Speaker 2 (07:01):

Because Yes, ma'am. Mm-hmm. , 

Speaker 5 (07:02):

It's so hard mm-hmm. to meet the expectations and demands from every angle. You've got parents, you've got the community, you've got the kids, you've got the administrators. You're dealing with a lot of rules and regulations, uh, increasing special education demands, and a lot of that in the gen ed classroom. And so you've got parents who are frustrated, and my kid was the one who created the classroom clear. Right? And so my kid was the one who disrupted the entire class and made it really hard for teachers to do their job. And watching his teachers and what they had to deal with day in and day out. We call him Team Evan, and they're still, we're very close to many of them, still to this day in Evan's 18, and has been in Idaho for three years. Um, and so for us, it's just this, I, I don't know what, I don't have my pulse on the trend of education, but I would say just based on experience and what I've seen, there's gonna have to be a change in the way mm-hmm. education is funded and managed and evaluated, um, to keep talented staff and to attract talented educators 

Speaker 2 (08:16):

In 

Speaker 5 (08:16):

The field. 

Speaker 2 (08:17):

Right. And I think that burnout, like we're in a new year and we're looking at what, you know, what, what things can we do different? I mean, as a teacher myself, I work and work and work, and right now you go to work when it's dark and you come home when it's dark, and then you still have your family at home. And those priorities, and how do you manage that? 

Speaker 5 (08:38):

Well, I wish I had a magic answer that, uh, you know, is a sweeping right solution for everybody, but unfortunately it's not quite that simple. I, I do think overall the, I think we've lost touch with the purpose of education. Um, I think we've gotten so busy to teach to the test to make sure our scores are okay, and that we're getting the funding, and that we're meeting those expectations, that the, the landscape of the skillset that is needed to be successful in life has changed. Mm-hmm. , yes, you need algebra and history and English and science. Like I'm not diminishing the need for that. But you need socio-emotional skills. You need emotional intelligence. You need mindfulness practices, stress reduction based practices. And teachers cannot provide these skills if they don't have them themselves. You cannot regulate someone else when you're dysregulated, and it's very hard to regulate when you're exhausted. 

Speaker 5 (09:40):

Right. So part of it, I think, is shifting the model of the way that we educate, providing more training and development to teachers on how they can better manage their stress and what they can do to be really clear on their priorities, to make sure that they're not getting lost in the shuffle. Because if they're not in a place where their cup is full, they can't possibly give to the students, the parents in the community the way that they want to. Right. And so then you have a lot of people who are exhausted and feeling guilty wherever they are, that they're not giving more mm-hmm. to that particular thing. So when I'm at home, it's like, I should be grading papers and working on lesson plans and, you know, coming up with exciting new curriculum and, and when you're at school, it's like, I should be with my own family and spending time with my own kids, rather than just spending all of my time developing other people's children. 

Speaker 2 (10:33):

Right. How can we say no when we need to say no and develop those boundaries that just some ideas moving into this new year, how we can have goals around that so that we can be good in both places. 

Speaker 5 (10:51):

So it really boils down to three specific areas. First, your mindset, second your skillset, and third, your ability to reset. So your mindset is understanding your relationship with stress, uh, ways to deal with it more effectively, understanding your brain and what happens to your brain when you are under stress, and how simply shifting your view of it and your relationship with it can change the neurological, biochemical, physiological outcomes of it. So it's paying attention to your habits, which, you know, we, we tend to spend a lot of time on autopilot. We get comfortable in our routines. Yeah. And your brain doesn't care if those routines are serving you or not, and your brain doesn't care if you're happy or not. So it's really making your mind change your brain. It's called experience dependent neuroplasticity, and it's behaving your way into a different neurological state so that you can cope with the demands on your time and energy. 

Speaker 5 (11:53):

The skillset are these really practical, tactical, actionable, uh, I don't know how many are BOLs I can add to the end . Right. But it's very specific skills that put your brain in a place of safety, that cultivate skills like gratitude and mindfulness and social connection and self-care and volunteerism. All of these research-based ways that we know shift your, your body and brain's stress response and allow you to cultivate resilience. And then the reset is really taking control of your nervous system. We spend a lot of time, you know, as we've evolved as a species, our brain was designed to really put us on alert for short bursts of energy that we needed to run from something that was chasing us. But as we have evolved, our brain hasn't, and it still views everything real or not mm-hmm. , um, that threatens us as, as a threat. 

Speaker 5 (12:54):

As a threat. Right. Right. So your brain can't tell the difference between a snarky email from a parent and a global pandemic. It takes every threat the same way. And most people are just in a constant state of relinquishing control and reaction. Mm-hmm. . But the beauty is that you can train your brain, you can train yourself to reset your nervous system, to reset your brain so that you can operate out of a place of strategy more often than you currently, not you personally, but more than we currently are. Right. We tend to react to everything. And the problem with that is when you are reacting, you're relinquishing control. Mm-hmm. . And anytime we feel out of control, our brain braces us because they view that as a threat. 

Speaker 2 (13:42):

So how do they, how do we do that? I mean, what is, is it as simple as 1, 2, 3 that we can just, you know, try practice in the morning? I know for me personally, like my thankfulness gratitude journal is a huge part of my morning, you know, getting up and like refocusing that. Um, but what does that look like? 

Speaker 5 (14:03):

So there are a lot of things I'll, I'll focus on just a few. Um, first, the first 30 minutes of your day are mission critical to your resilience and your success? Most of us wake up and within the first 30 minutes, we check our email, we look at social media, we watch the news. And the challenge with that is that your brain, um, you know, Sean Ker talks about this in his book, big Potential. Your, your Brain is the weakest, cognitively speaking the first 30 minutes after you wake up in the morning and the last 30 minutes before you go to bed at night. And so we already have this built in negativity bias that's like Velcro to negative experiences and Teflon to positive experiences. So the first 30 minutes of your day is really, really critical that you are not exposed to, you wanna minimize any negative stimuli. 

Speaker 5 (14:51):

Again, your brain cannot tell the difference between a real or a perceived threat. So when you see a news story about death and destruction and illness, what you're priming your brain for is to look for everything that's wrong the rest of the day. Mm-hmm. . And wherever we attune our attention becomes our reality. So when you're looking for what's wrong, you find plenty of it. So one is really being deliberate about how you start your day, whether that's with gratitude or prayer or meditation or petting your animals or making breakfast for your kids, or whatever that looks like for you. There's no one answer, but it's, it's really taking control of that first 30 minutes, that first 30 minutes. And another, the, you know, you mentioned gratitude practice, gratitude's the number one predictor of wellbeing, and there are over 11,000 studies that document the physical and mental health benefits of simply looking for things to be grateful for. 

Speaker 5 (15:43):

Right. Um, and when you are looking for things to be grateful for, and you're priming your brain to search out what's right, you're actually changing the neural structure and function of your brain. You're reducing cortisol to stress hormone by 23%. You're producing serotonin and dopamine, which are the feel good neurotransmitters mm-hmm. and anti antidepressants. So gratitude is a really powerful practice. And simply, you know, what we know about human behavior is it's really tough to change. So you're more likely to stick with a new habit, like a gratitude practice if you attach it to a habit that you already have. So I brush my teeth twice a day. I attach my gratitude habit to that, so it's not like an extra thing on my to-do list. I incorporate it into something that I already do. Mm-hmm. . Um, but that simple habit shifts the way your brain processes the world. 

Speaker 5 (16:33):

Um, and one of the most important and the most effective stress reduction technique that's been shown to help educators, uh, is a mindfulness practice. And most people, me included, uh, I thought this for a very long time, that mindfulness is just sitting in a full lotus, finding your zen and quieting your brain, right. And meditating mm-hmm. . And that's not what it is at all. And so there's this huge misconception around what it is, how it works, and why it works. Um, and you know, I could spend an hour just talking to you about that, but I'll say the, the shortest and simplest path to resetting your nervous system, to allowing your logical brain to get back online, to taking back control of your emotions, is bringing yourself back to the present moment. Because anytime you're doing that, your brain knows it's safe. So our breath is the fastest path to get there. 

Speaker 5 (17:29):

Three really deep diaphragmatic breaths, like on the inhale mm-hmm. , expanding your belly, like there's a balloon in your belly filling up with air on the inhale, really doing that and then holding it for a second. And then the key is that the exhale needs to be longer than the inhale. The exhale is the part of the breath that resets your nervous system into the parasympathetic response. And the more you practice that, the easier it gets for your brain to do that. Whatever we practice grows mm-hmm. , good or bad, and your brain doesn't care which one it is. It just takes whatever you practice and, and grows that muscle. And so meditation and mindfulness is really just growing your attention muscle, allowing you to start being deliberate about how you show up, how your emotions and your thoughts are affecting your behavior, how much time you spend distracted and scattered. The average person spends at least half of their time being somewhere else. So chances are, since I've been giving you this answer, you have thought about something else 

Speaker 2 (18:29):

I've thought about. What does it look like in our classrooms? 

Speaker 5 (18:32):

Like, right. Well, and that's what that looks like in your classrooms, is starting the class with an activity I call, well, I don't call it it, it's called take five mm-hmm. . And basically it's for yourself and for your students. And if any parents are there, it helps them too. But people think that you just figure this out. Right. And it's not, it's a lifelong practice. So everybody is scattered. Everybody is trying to juggle too many balls in the air. Everybody is, has so many competing priorities on our, on our brain and our attention that if this is not a daily practice, then it doesn't work. And it's not like you get it right and you're done. It's, you get it wrong and you do it again, and you get it wrong, and you do it again, and you never really get it right. That's the whole purpose of it. Right. There's, there's, and nobody ever really gets it. Right. 

Speaker 3 (19:26):

You know, I think that's probably good for our staff folks to hear because mm-hmm. teachers more than anyone, they want to have it all together. The, the teachers by all of us as teachers, by nature, you know, we're expected to have it together. We've got 20 to 30 kids sitting in front of us every day, and, and our parents, our community, our bosses, everybody expects us to just have it together every day and be on it. Um, at least that's what we perceive on the inside. Now, um, I, I hope we're building a culture that says there's grace. There's, you know, we understand as supervisors, the stress and where we are, but I, I think it's good for our staff to hear and, and hear us acknowledge that it, it is tough for everyone to practice what, what we're talking about. 

Speaker 5 (20:18):

And, and, you know, and absolutely from a teacher perspective, yes, but it's your bus drivers and your custodians, right. And your cafeteria staff. Great point. And your administrators and your principals and your assistant principals, like everybody has their own struggle, and it can feel impossible to try to balance it all. Um, you know, I can't tell you how many times our bus driver saved our life. You know, like sometimes literally, um, you know, Evan would throw violent rages and fits, and she would get off the bus and just talk to him and, and calm him down and deescalate him. And the, the cafeteria staff were the ones that made sure he ate because he, he refused to eat because he didn't like the textures of any of the foods that we gave him or that they had at the cafeteria. So I, I think it's an, it's an, it's a global human challenge. 

Speaker 5 (21:09):

I think teachers experience it in a very magnified way because everything they do is being evaluated and watched and measured absolutely all the time. And so it can feel like you're in the middle of a fishbowl just trying to survive and not get sued sometimes. Um, but this practice is super simple. It is a really fast way to reset your nervous system. It is fantastic for kids because what it does is it helps you learn to co-regulate. So, you know, when you have a child who's like crying and they can't get enough air, and they're doing that, if, if you're going, you need to calm down, right? Mm-hmm. , like, you can't regulate someone when you're dysregulated. But what we know is that we feed off of the nonverbal communication of others. And so if you are anxious in the classroom, within an hour or two, the children will take on that emotion. 

Speaker 5 (22:04):

Mm-hmm. , right? If you are in a negative state, that transfers, whether you try to fake it or not, it's called surface acting. When you try to pretend like everything's okay, and it's not, it's okay for a teacher to say to the students, I'm having some big feelings today, right? I'm having some big feelings, and here's what I'm doing to cope with those. Mm-hmm. , like, that's what we need, be teaching our children. Not that you have to keep it all together and, and, and do it flawlessly, because then kids grow up with this expectation. My 19 year old daughter, you know, out of the two kids, my son is the one with autism and severe mental illness. My daughter graduated in the middle of Covid and has gone into a really deep depression. Mm-hmm. . And the worst thing you can do for kids who are struggling feeling sad, is come on. 

Speaker 5 (22:48):

You have so much to be grateful for. Turn that frown upside down. Focus on the positive 'cause then not only did they feel crappy, but now they feel shame. Like, what is wrong with me for feeling bad? I am healthy. I do have a place to sleep. Like, why, why am I not happy? Well, it's 'cause your brain's not designed to keep you happy. Your brain's designed to keep you alive. It doesn't care if you're happy. And we've grown up in this culture where happiness is like a bi billions and billions of dollars, like $12 billion a year industry just to try to make people feel happy. And the the goal is not to be happy. The goal is to be present and experience life. Right? And sometimes that means it's happy, and sometimes it means it's sad and fearful and scary. But this practice is super simple. 

Speaker 5 (23:35):

So what we're gonna do is first we're gonna practice something called diaphragmatic breathing. And then we're gonna pair it with, uh, tracing our hand, because that keeps you present and mindful. But your breath is the fastest path to relaxing your nervous system. So on the inhale, we're gonna imagine that there's a balloon in our belly filling with air. We're gonna take a deep inhale in and pooch out your belly. Don't worry, no one can see your belly. And you're gonna hold it for a second. And then the exhale needs to be longer and slower than the inhale. So the inhale increases your heart rate, the exhale decreases your heart rate, and you don't wanna do it to the point where you're dizzy, but a deeply relaxed person. When you're asleep, you breathe diaphragmatically. And you also only take about seven breaths a second. So by intentionally slowing your breathing, your brain knows that it's safe and it can reregulate itself. So what we're going to do is hold up your hands. All right? So we're going to trace up our finger with the inhale. We're gonna hold it at the top for a moment, and we're gonna go down with the exhale. But if you can breathe through your nose, because it activates nerve endings in the back of your neck and the base of your skull, that actually increase oxygen uptake to the heart and to the brain. So we're gonna take a deep belly breath in, 

Speaker 5 (24:55):

Hold it X finger. 

Speaker 5 (25:46):

Now that seems super simple, but starting your class like that will regulate everybody's nervous system. And when people are getting amped up, you do it again, right? Like, it takes less than a minute. And it's a great way, like we think, I don't have time to do that. But you don't have time not to. 'cause if you're dysregulated, you're not learning, right? Like it, when we're in a state of fight or flight or protection or stress, our brain isn't accessing higher level thinking, cognitive processing, reasoning, decision making, all of the stuff you need to learn and to teach. So when you take a moment to reset your nervous system, you're basically, it's like getting your computer back online, right? And it's so simple. And you can take those deep breaths. Like when my daughter starts to really get stressed and anxious, I take deep breaths because we mirror other people. So simply by a parent or a teacher taking really deep breaths, the students end up mimicking that. 

Speaker 3 (26:46):

I, I was in a meeting with a group of teachers, two meetings actually. And the resounding thing that I came away with last week was, teachers feel pressured for time all the time. They don't, they do not feel like they have the ability to take a minute to do mm-hmm. what you just took Heather and I through. So true and so true. And so I think I, I would just reiterate, we, we can't afford not to take those minutes or two minutes, or you know, what if people are getting amped up and we have to do it two or three times, I think what you're helping us realize is we, we can't afford not to take that two to three minutes. And our teachers need to feel like that they're empowered to do that at the appropriate times. 

Speaker 5 (27:30):

Yeah. And we've created this system where there's no possible way that you can, unless you are taking time to teach your kids and yourself how to reset. If we're not teaching the socioemotional skills for kids to learn to manage stress, they will be burned out by the time they get to college. So the teachers are the only ones who can really take back control of that. And the irony is when you do the results, follow. 

Speaker 2 (28:00):

That's right. There's, there's studies out there that show that. 'cause there's, there are people that are actually doing this, practicing it in their classroom. So, and 

Speaker 5 (28:09):

The learning occurs as a result, not in spite of, right? So it's one of those things where it's so counterintuitive, but the reason you don't have time is because your brain's not working. Right. And if you can get your brain to work right, then you save the time. 

Speaker 3 (28:30):

So Heather, as we wrap up our first episode with Anne, um, just wanna reiterate that we really encourage strongly, all of our teachers taking the time to be self-aware and present in their classroom with their kids.

Speaker 2 (28:45):

It's so important. 

Speaker 3 (28:46):

Absolutely. And important. I know, I know you all don't feel like you have the time to take because of all the things you're balancing, the content you have to teach and, and all the different things you have to manage. But I think Anne has some really good, uh, 

Speaker 2 (28:59):

Tips. Well, I'm looking forward to doing it in my own classroom in this new semester as well, and seeing what happens. The second part of this episode, we continue our conversation with Anne and we're talking about emotional intelligence, and it is super powerful as well as in, in how that can help transform our classrooms and our teaching as well. And so, can't wait for that next episode. And it's a good one. It is, it is. It's really powerful. But until then, lean in and stay curious.